Martha Stewart can go for a walk in the woods and find inspiration in pinecones. She would collect them, spray paint them, stick white parchment with guests' names in golden calligraphy on them, and bravo, have brand new place settings. Had you or I been in the woods, we would have been too busy listening to the birds to notice the hidden potential in pines. That's our problem, you see. We're too busy living to be good housekeepers.
But that doesn't stop us from feeling guilty that our homes are chaotic. We huddle indoors, afraid to let anybody in for fear they may notice how we actually live. We may meet a neighbour, and want to invite her in for coffee, only to realize to our horror that our breakfast dishes are still in the sink. Instead, we retreat inside again where we can turn on the gardening channel and feel a whole new level of guilt because our homes don't measure up.
Don't get me wrong. I love having a neat home. I even like some of Martha's crafts. But we can go way overboard on this need to have perfect homes. We forget what homes are really about.
Relationships Matter More than Housework
In the end, relationships matter. Dust bunnies don't. That doesn't mean we shouldn't clean; simply that when we do our aim is to create a comfortable home where everybody will want to be, not a perfect home where we get nervous if the kids play. My grandmother used to lament the fact that she couldn't keep her home perfect like some of her neighbours. But one day she woke up to the reason. She always had children over. She had toys. She had books. She had magazines. Her friends had collections of floor polish.
A Home Is Made of Real People
Yet which was more of a home? The one where you could see your reflection on the floor, or the one where you could see your child's latest Lego creation? A home will contain toys, books, crafts, and hobbies, all of which are evidence of the personalities who live there. There's nothing wrong with that. After all, we invite people over to get to know us anyway. Everybody's more comfortable in a house that reflects you than in an antiseptically clean house straight out of Better Homes and Gardens.
Sometimes we forget this lesson. Think about what your children heard you say today. Many days at my house, it's things like "what are your toys doing on the stairs?" "Get your stuff out of the living room! Do you expect me to always clean it up?". "Why can't you ever pick anything up?". Add all this up, and the message is clear: "you kids are a hassle. Shape up!"
Finding a Comfortable Medium
I want our house to be comfortable. That means my kids must be allowed to play. It also needs to be comfortable for me, though, so they can't play where I want to knit. And they do have to keep their piles to a minimum so we can all walk without breaking our necks. A comfortable home also means being able to shower without fear of contracting some disease. Cleanliness and basic clutter control are both certainly necessary. Perfection, though, is not.
Sometimes I forget these lessons and the yelling begins again. But housework does not make a home. People do. My house will never be perfect, but I hope it's one that my children will one day look back on fondly. Especially because I don't have any floor polish.
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